That JAV

Akemashite omedetou kotoyoro. I am a miserable monkey who only thinks about ejaculating into vagina. I'm a miserable monkey whose only thought is to ejaculate into a vagina. I can't believe anything anymore. I talked to one woman who works in advertising at a bar. She said, "I think it was about 20 guys. I don't remember much (laughs)." "I was made to throw up and bitten. I thought I was going to be killed (laughs). When I asked him why he did that, he said, "He's an idiot," and laughed at my suffering. I liked that situation. Damn. You're so smug. I was starting to feel bad after hearing the story from her. The woman, who went on to a local national university, was attacked in her home by a man she met in a sleepover, and lost her virginity at the age of 20 with nowhere to run. She lost her virginity at the age of 20. She asked him, "Oh, can I have another drink?" He asked her every time and she asked for another glass of oolong tea. 24 years old, he moved to Tokyo to find a job. I was unaware that she had such a past, but I was concerned about it... When I woke up in the middle of the night, the conversation I had with her at that time kept repeating in the back of my head and between my eyeballs.... I begin to ask myself the customary questions. (What was I doing when that woman was sleeping with that man...?) This is a tedious process of trying to find an answer (situation) that doesn't exist, that I can accept and feel at ease with, by examining each other's past situations and settings from every word. It irks me to no end. And as a result, I get no reward. In the end, I have PTSD, or I'm mentally ill, or I'm just sick. I feel like I've received a negative baton. Maybe I'm excited about self-mutilation, which can wear out the psyche. When I get into it, I can't come back out of it. I feel like throwing up. The refreshing TV commercials of Mathiap, which are shown in the cafeteria at lunchtime and claim to be wholesome, are in fact legal sex offender apps made up of well-spoken, slutty, and lonely meat pushers. I'm going to repeat the same thing over and over again, thinking about the meaning of life and charging 4,000 yen to have another shitty conversation this month. I'm like, "Hi, I'm a bit of a mood hopper! I like the vibe." It's just...I'm...it's about time I only see pretty things. The more it looks like it's going to break down soon, the more I'm drawn to it. This is a clematis that the old man of a nearby townhouse grows in his storefront. Early in the morning, he was lovingly watching the buds open. I looked at it and thought, "That's very nice," and ran to the station.